5:25 AM I go outside, with my mind fixed on something i have to do at the car. Usually awkward cause according too Moore's law only items that are awkward to fix do break.

I get hit by a smoke which is not even chocking or that unacceptable for the short time i am supposed to fix that which becomes longer. But soon, without realizing my perception of things get blurred and i can only see what i am doing and people start passing doing their things. I make too many mistakes, it all takes too much time for small jobs. Like more than one hour for a bulb yesterday (with stuck dust cap).

Usually one or two comming out of the day care at D6 cause lately i don't see them getting in but only out. Three teenagers yelling probably high, right at my back. A woman peeing her dog right behind me etc.. The Asian woman in the yellow car. The white SUV with a gorilla head with mouth wide open with scarry teeth on a side.

Then i think, all these things statistically are not supposed to happen in such a short period of time. Ambulances and helicopters and planes and one car every 30 seconds. Sometimes i shot the hood and go back inside and everything pauses and when i get back later when everything restarts.

These days the new windows the installed about 3 years ago are not that leaky and don't allow that much smoke inside and the HEPA filter does the rest and i don't allow mole holes next to basement (under siding). So i am not crazy high as i used to be for years.

The years in which i didn't know all these and i was going dizzy all the time and was not feeling that bad except all things were blurred to me.

One of those days (cannot find where and when i wrote about but was years ago) i went for a long walk (hour and a half) which was still not enough to clear my mind. Many times i got refreshed with the same kind of smoke on my walk, especially near the bank of the river.

At the so called community center in the middle of the park stretched along the river there was a guy with a white SUV who slammed the door, probably trying to get my attention, awake me to reality about something that was going to happen i needed to pay attention to (that was how i fell in that moment) cause he probably knew i was not paying attention to anything around me.

So here she came across the little bridge, this girl in yoga pants with glasses, always staring at her phone like awaiting for instructions on what o do next (eye contact, no eye contact, smile, etc.) with an attempted smile on her insecure face then going on a branch of the alley hidden among bushes and stopped, always staring at the phone. I stopped and turned around on the main alley, staring at the bushes. Didn't know what to do.

I had a vague idea i knew her from somewhere and wanted to talk to her, but in the middle of the bushes? Mainly i was afraid for her safety after i left, especially if we didn't get along well. I knew that guy knew about her. Maybe other people. It all looked like a setup to me. So after staring at her standing in the middle of the bushes, i left.

Next day she shows online with a dinosaur mask or something covering her entire head mainly confirming it was her. "You turned around for me!".

Do you think this was the most important thing, how your insecure face looked in that moment?

Last night i crashed probably from being exposed to something and forgot the main door open. Am i right now under the influence of some ninja smoke? Just had a palpitation which reminded me to open my mouth cause my nose in congested cause i cannot use that much decongestant. Or can i? Will i ever be myself again?

Was the same girl at the entrance of the hotel/casino again walking and staring at that phone, passing, pretending not seeing me, walking towards the hotel? After i put my cigarette out and got inside because of a Russian or Ukrainian man yelling on the phone outside?

Right after i walked out (was leaving) i saw behind me in the same hallway a maid pushing a long cart figuring a stretcher, loaded with something, going in the same direction, For two days i kept searching until i finally found a recent post on only fans and then she finally posts on tiktok so i knew she is ok.

Are you trying to imagine this happening on daily basis which to me it does anyways? Who was that older guy in the park in that white SUV? Are you reading all these or is someone telling you what and when to post?

Hemp ash because it does not stink but is way more concentrated? Camphor and pine resin to cover the smell of sulfur? which burns with the salpeter?

7:25 BTW. Altgirl. Altman.

8:20 Do all girls look the same when they smile?